It's often difficult to get a strong positive reaction out of Ellie. The last several months I have tried  often to get more than a 'meh' reaction out of her. I am often concerned about her mental state, afraid of the path her negative emotions seem to be leading her down. I've been working hard to point out the positive, trying to help her see that not all things in life are made up of annoyances, disappointments, and rejections.

Ellie loves books. She does not love all books. The books she reads need to be girly, low stress, with characters she is generally familiar with. But when she finds books that fall in within her criteria, she will read them over and over again.

We received a postcard in the mail a month ago advertising a new library opening. The grand opening was last Saturday. I had a long meeting in the morning, and had forgotten about the library. I walked in the door, greeted by a distraught daughter, upset because I arrived home an hour after the ribbon cutting. I'd had long morning, arriving home to a messy house, and was not in the mood to go, thinking of all the other things I still needed to do that day. But gratefully the thought crossed my mind that this was important to her, so I (grumpily) told her to grab her stuff, and she, her little sister, and I moodily went.

The library was small with limited parking, so we had to park at the church down the street. The place looked packed, which generally can raise Ellie's anxiety levels, but we soldiered on and went in.

As soon as we entered, the peace and happiness that radiated from Ellie made everything worth it. We did a little tour of the main level, surrounded by beautiful, new, never checked out books and movies. We went upstairs where there were cookies and flavored water. There was a balcony we could walk out on. Back downstairs the girls found books by there favorite authors they hadn't seen. The staff were giving out to tote bags with oranges and little jars of marmalade. Ellie was in heaven. I hadn't seen her so pleased in a really long time. She was thrilled with everything.

With all the stress of life, last Saturday's grumpy trip to the library will stand out in my memory as a bright light and gives me hope for the future.

So much noise!

I'm a slacker, trying this again…

Like many (all?, most?) kids/adults with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, my Ellie is not a fan of noise.  Sadly for her, she has two sisters who sing All. The. Time.  And they sing loud, really well, but loud.  There current favorite is songs from Shrek: the Musical.  Generally Ellie will just hide or go elsewhere, but today she was trying to have lunch, and was torn between running away and eating.  So she had a small meltdown instead. I had not noticed the signs of her stress, being involved in lunch making and other things, so it took me a minute to realize that a) she was on the bring of losing it and b) I was the one putting her there by adding my imitation of Snow White in Shrek the Third summoning the birds (aa-aa-aaaaaa-aa).

I know I need to be more sensitive to Ellie's noise sensitivities, I do.  Generally, if I sense her distress, I will have her sisters stop or go elsewhere to belt out show tunes.  Ellie is sometimes able to tune things out, so I forget how much noise bothers her at times. I should pay more attention though.  In June, Ellie was able to go to our church's girls camp for a week (I and her two sisters went as well).  Before we left, her dad gave her a present; pink earplugs.  Ellie burst into tears of relief and gratitude.  Dangit, we should have given her those long ago.

In July, we were going on a trip to see my parents.  We gave Ellie some noise canceling headphones for the car (cheap ones that mostly muffle the sound, but better than nothing). She started wearing them immediately, and whenever she could get away with it.  Again, maybe this should have been a gift seven or eight years ago.

Ellie is awesome, and I think puts up with more than I give her credit for.  As school approaches and anxiety levels increase, I worry about how best to help her navigate this crazy, noisy world, especially when I am sometimes part of the problem.  I guess we'll just keep learning AS we go.

Play Date

Play dates are not something that are on our regular play list for my ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) girl.  For most of her life they have been few and far between.  At age 12, I can still probably count her total play dates on just my own digits (toes included).   The girls in our neighborhood are good to her, but playdates have mostly ended up with Ellie exploring on her own, or playing in the hosts room by herself (by choice).

Ellie does have one good friend, a girl who attends Ellie's school.  This school is a charter school dedicated to helping those with Aspergers Syndrome and high functioning autism.  I'm not bragging, but, wow, this school is a blessing in our lives.  Not all the students are on the spectrum; some are siblings of kids with ASD and Ellie's friend is one of those siblings but seems to thrive in this school environment.

Ellie's friend, let's call her Abby, called her Thursday to arrange a get together, and I ended up bringing both girls home after school on Friday.  After school is not the best time to arrange a get-to-gether, as Ellie is about peopled out by the end of the day.  So it was a quiet ride to our house, with most of the talking being done by me, but I eventually give up, letting them be.   At home, the girls wanted to bake and decorate cakes, one of their go-to things to do.  I left the kitchen; I can't watch when they bake.  I want to interfere, to make suggestions, flinching as they try to figure things out on their own ("are you sure you want to do that?" "um, why don't we do it this way.")  So I leave.  It's best for everyone.

While the cakes baked, they watched Netflix; normally I would encourage something else, but as I said before, it was after school and they were both kind of done. Then they made icing for the cakes.  Again I hid; it's hard to watch without sticking my nose in. The cakes turned out fine and it's an activity they enjoy so I call it a win.

Ellie and Abby only get together about once a month or so, but for my girl that's all she seems to need.  She has a friend she can call her besty,  for which I am eternally grateful, and a somewhat awkward playdate once a month is all she seems to need right now.

First Blog Post

Welcome!

I am the mother of a high functioning daughter with Asperger’s Syndrome.  Like many others, I find that I enjoy hearing similar, and not-so-similar, Asperger’s and autism stories.  I am looking to lend my experiences, organize my thoughts, and record stories I’m afraid I’ll forget, for the benefit of mostly myself, and hopefully others who are (or not) on this journey of discovery too. 

At this point, I’m not sure what form this blog will take, but I do know that I will probably post thoughts and experiences willy-nilly as I feel so inclined or remember them.  I asked my daughter what name she wanted me to use for this blog, and she suggested Ellie.  So, Ellie she shall be.  Unless she changes her mind.  Though once she makes a decision, she usually sticks with it.  

Why the swan?  For some reason, she loves them.